


Fierce Training

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Humor, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 02:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13044831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The ghost of legendary queen Padme Amidala teaches Rey how to identify if her crush is really on the Dark Side. But is it too late for Rey to learn the ways of the Fierce? TJL Spoilers. Humor/Parody.





	Fierce Training

Rey sat in her room with her legs and arms crossed. She was anxiously wondering when Ben might get back in contact with her.

She knew Luke didn't want her to communicate with his nephew, but Luke's warning just made her more eager to see Ben again. She and Ben had such an intense connection. Luke just didn't understand.

Suddenly, Rey felt the warmth of the Force gathering around her. An ethereal woman appeared in her room, dressed in a long white gown and glowing like some kind of angel. Rey recognized the ghost as Padme Amidala, the legendary queen who died during the Clone Wars.

"Queen Amidala?! Is it really you" Rey gave a small bow.

"Yes, dear Rey," said Padme, " I've come because I can see that you're at a crossroads in your life and in need of guidance. I've returned from the afterlife to provide you with some Fierce training."

"You mean, Force training? Luke's already training me in the ways of the Force, although I'm not sure I understand everything he's getting at."

"No, no, not the Force. I'm not a Jedi, Rey," and Padme, "but I am practiced in the ways of the Fierce. I'm here to teach you how to avoid the seductive pull of a malignant dark-sider."

Rey shook her head. "What would make you qualified to teach me about that? You fell in love with Anakin Skywalker and he turned out to be the worst Sith the galaxy has ever known!" 

"Because, as Yoda says, the best teacher failure is." Padme Amidala folded her hands together regally underneath the long sleeves of her gown.

"I'm not sure that's actually true…"

"Well, let's just assume it is. I'm going to teach you all the red flags to identify if someone is really on the Dark Side deep down. Red flag number one is if he wears a mask."

"Ben doesn't wear a mask anymore," said Rey defensively. "He destroyed his mask. He's different now."

"I don't mean a literal mask, Rey!" said the ghost of Padme. "I mean the figurative mask he wears when he's all tender and sensitive one moment and all vicious and mean to you the next, as if it weren't in his own self-interest to keep you always second-guessing and trying to win him over to the Light."

Rey thought maybe Ben was the exception. Her vision of the future had shown Ben turning to the Light, so maybe he wasn't a lost cause like Padme seemed to think.

"Red flag number two," Padme held up two fingers, "is giving you compliments that aren't actually compliments, such as if he says you're nothing but not to him or if he tells you that you're not like the sand and then starts rambling about all the things he hates about sand."

"But that's kind of a compliment, right? I mean, sand is gross. It gets everywhere and it's super annoying. I wouldn't want to be like sand."

"There's nothing wrong with being like sand, Rey! The right guy for you won't care if you're a little coarse or rough sometimes!"

Rey blushed deeply. She wondered if Kylo Ren- or Ben, as she was now calling him in her mind- would like it 'coarse and rough.'

Padme rolled her eyes as if she were reading Rey's thoughts.

"Red flag number three: If your sex life - by which I mean the erotically charged fight scenes in which you both join together to take down your common enemies- is super hot, but the rest of the relationship is just a hot mess."

"But what if they're, like, really, really great fight scenes?" asked Rey, imploringly.

"No fight scene is worth all that drama," Padme placed her hands on her hips, "If you have nothing in common socially, politically, or intellectually when you're not in the middle of an epic climatic showdown then don't expect it to end well."

"Number four: Delusions of grandeur. If he offers to make you his empress and rule the galaxy together. Like you're not already an empress until he makes you one." 

"Number five: rage. If he can't handle even the mildest criticism without turning into a toddler having a temper tantrum, you need to protect yourself before you find yourself in his line of destruction."

"But what if he's just really passionate? What if we have this really powerful bond that reaches across the limits of space and time?"

"Well, then, you're just going to have to let the Fierce flow through you to break that bond completely," said Padme firmly. "That means no random talks about how his Jedi Master just doesn't get him or the misunderstood appeal of totalitarian dictatorships. No waiting around for him to apologize for his behavior or to stop killing people."

"But what if-"

"Nope, Rey. You need to cut that out completely or the next thing you know he'll be calling you at two in the morning to aggressively renegotiate all your boundaries!"

"That's easy for you to say," Rey gazed shyly at the legendary queen with her fancy gown and her angelic glow. "You're the queen of Naboo and a galactic senator. I'm just a a scavenger from a desert planet in the middle of nowhere. No one would ever care about me."

The queen kneeled down to Rey's level and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Rey, it's not just scavengers from Jakku who fall for this nonsense. I may have been the queen of Naboo but by the end of my relationship I was scavaging for every last scrap of respect or decency I could get from Anakin. I was about as thirsty for love as the deserts of Tatooine. No crown, title, or family name is going to make you a queen if you don't find the Fierce Queen within. You just need to spend time with your real friends and focus on building your own strength."

"But what if…what if he takes his shirt off again?" asked Rey.

"Well then, maybe not even the Fierce can save you then..." admitted the queen.


End file.
